porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
