I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
