There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
