just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
