You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
