I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
