She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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