The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
