I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
