just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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