she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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