Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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