Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
