Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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