I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
