So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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