I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
