they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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