that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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