did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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