hotel room ftw
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
