i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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