I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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