I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
