ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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