I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
