Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
