o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
