Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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