I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
