its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
