My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
