You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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