how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
