i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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