the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
