I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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