To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
They are going to name an STD after you.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
