i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
