Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
