Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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