so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
