Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
