Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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