those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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