My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
