i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
