I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
