i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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