I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
