i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
